Wednesday, December 5, 2012

10 Reasons Why Samus is More Badass Than Master Chief

Now, don’t get me wrong here, I love Halo just as much as the next guy, if you don't believe me then just take a look at my earlier post about me relating it to cake!
And through all the adventure's with chief and the gang, I've just come to realize that Samus is way more of a badass!  Hell, I'll even give you the top 10 reasons why!

10.  She shows her face.
While Master Chief runs around in his helmet all day long, probably sweating like a dog, Samus is… Well she’s pretty much doing the same thing.  Except for the fact that after Samus gets done doing her mission, she shows a little guts, and takes off her helmet to show the world that she's a female, and she's damn proud of it!  If you play your cards right she might even get half naked for you!

9.  She can morph into a ball.
Ok, so it doesn’t seem like the most useful trick at first; but its actually pretty damn awesome when you start to think about it.  Not only is it amazing that she is flexible enough to contort herself into a ball, but its also got some neat little tricks to it as well.  For starters, it can lay bombs on the ground, it can climb up walls, and it can boost itself up skateboarding ramps with ease (or at least things shaped like skateboarding ramps).  And don’t try and tell me that you guys wouldn’t wanna go out with a chick thats that flexible.

8.  She works alone.
Excluding Other M (because it sucked dickhole), Samus like's to work alone.  Sure, there might be other bounty hunters that lend a hand from time to time, but Samus isn't a person who plays well with others.  Much unlike Master Chief, who runs around and takes orders from the “higher ups”, Samus rarely takes orders from anyone!  Sure, she gets a single order from the Galactic Federation, telling her which planet she needs to go to, but that’s it.  From there on out, she does it all on her own, she doesn’t have little foot soldiers running around with her like the Chief does.  Not to mention that at the end of fusion she went against her orders and blew up a space station owned by the Galactic Federation itself!  I don’t see Master Chief blowing up any of his allied space stations.

7.  She is the mother to a Metroid.
Yeah, yeah, so it’s not technically her "child", but if you’ve played Super Metroid or Metroid II, then you know that a certain little Metroid mistakes Samus for being its mother.  Don’t tell me that being the mother to a creature that sucks the life out of anything it touches, and can then transfer said energy into any other living being, isn’t the coolest thing ever.  Plus, this Metroid ended up being like five times the size of an average one, as far as I’m concerned, that makes it five times as awesome. Not to forget it transfered energy from the Mother Brain herself, into Samus, to make for the greatest ending in video game history. Lets face it,  no matter how hard Master Chief tries, he could never have a child as awesome as a Metroid.

 6.  From Bounty Hunter to Outlaw.
There has been ten Metroid games in total, and throughout all of those games Samus has been a Bounty Hunter: Working for the Federation.  But, as stated earlier, she did end up blowing up one of the Federations space station at the end of Metroid Fusion.  And did she care?  Of course not.  They were doing some damn sneaking things in that space station, and she didn't like it, so she blew it up.  Now, there isn't currently a game that is set after fusion, but I'm hoping that when it does finally happen, Samus will be an outlaw whose done with all that Federation crap!  A man can dream, can't he?

5.  She has a cannon for an arm.
C'mon, you all knew this one was coming.  Lets assume for a moment that Master Chief and Samus were fighting, who do you think would win?  Lets see,  the Chief would be running around the entire place, looking for various weapons lying around.  While Samus would just whip out her arm and start firing missiles (both normal, and super) at him simultaneously.  Don’t run from the obvious, Samus would kick Master Chief’s ass in a fight.  Altogether, her arm has 10 different guns (all that can be charged), 6 different missiles, and even a laser beam grappling hook.

4.  She has kick ass suits.
Master Chief, sure his suit if cool, but all it has is a shield and a flashlight.  Samus on the other hand, has a barrage of suits at her disposal.  She's got the gravity suit, which lets her walk through water without having it slow her down.  Don't forget the Varia suit, you know, the one that lets her walk through lava.  Hell, she even has the Phazon suit, which allows her to walk on top of Phazon, one of the deadliest freaking substances in the entire galaxy!  It's the equivalent of dunking herself into a tank of nuclear radiation!  She'd be fine!  Even better, sometimes, she doesn’t even use a suit, she will run around with her pistol, and her blue skin tight clothes, and take on those Space Pirates all by her lonesome.  She doesn't care, she does what she wants!

3.  She fights awesome enemies.
Samus has fought awesome bosses and enemies alike.  Whether it be a statue that comes to life, a gigantic rock golem, or a humongous dinosaur that can shoot spikes out of its belly, she really has seen it all.  Or perhaps she’ll just fight some smaller thing, like Space Pirates, loads of Metroid, or alien bee’s.  Sure as hell beat's anything that Master Chief as to fight!  Sure, the Skarabs are pretty cool, but other than that... Yeah, not much.

2.  Her arch enemy is a Dragon.
While Master Chief doesn’t technically have a single arch enemy, Samus does.  Ridley is his name, and if you don’t know who he is, then you’ve never played a Metroid game before.  He's the rootinest tootinest space cowboy in all of space!  He's a dragon that can shoot fires balls, lazer beams, and God knows what else!  He always seems to come back too (just like Freddy and Jason).  You kill him once, he comes back again in the next game.  Kill him again, you find out that Space Pirates rebuilt him, making him part robot (commonly known as Mecha Ridley).  He just doesn’t give up!  Either way, Ridley has got to be one of the coolest arch enemies I’ve ever seen.  I doubt Master Chief ever fought a dragon.  Much less one that’s half robot.

1. She loves to blow up planets.
Come on guys.  If blowing up planets isn’t completely bad ass, then I don’t know what is.   Sure, Master Chief has helped blow up a Halo or two, but he has never done it single handedly.  Not only that, Samus seems to do it on more than just an occasion.  Sometimes it’s on purpose, sometimes it’s an accident, either way, Samus loves blowing up planets and space stations alike!  And if that isn't badass, then I don't know what is!
Hopefully, by now, you realize just how bad ass Samus is.  Unlike Mr. Goodie Two Shoes Master Chief, Samus doesn’t take shit from anyone, or anything.  Between the flexibility, badass suits, awesome arm cannon, kickass enemies, epic nemesis, AND her ability to magically find a way to blow up any given planet she's touched, she certainly is one badass chick.